Another year come and gone. Another lap around the sun. Usually that means festivities, fireworks, “New Year, new me” bullcrap, etc. A New Year for me means time to reflect on the 365 days that went by. And while I didn’t have a perfect year, I had a productive one, and one that forced me to stop and ponder my life. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t awful either. Thought I would go over a few ups and downs here.
This year marked the first year since I left my original college and course of Foreign Affairs and focused on art school and pursuing something dear to my heart. College is a weird topic for me because I have so many conflicting emotions about it. I wish I cared more about learning back in High School and maybe I wouldn’t have blown a lot of chances. I could have been a doctor or a lawyer. But on the other hand the position I’m in keeps me motivated. I’ve done my best work when my back is against a wall and odds are against me. So all that’s left for me to do is plant my feet and soldier on.
I fell in love this past year to a girl who in the end wasn’t going to be with me in that way. She’s a great young woman. Smart, funny, and most of all puts up with my shit. We don’t hang out with each other often but it’s a good time when we do. I cherish her and still love her. But she sees me as just a good friend (plus I think she’s into girls) and while I understand, it doesn’t make the blow any less painful. I never felt admiration for someone until now. Plenty of fish in the sea? Well, I reserve judgement until I see for myself.
Probably the highlight of 2017 (and even 2016) was meeting a group of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. People who like the same stuff I do and aren’t complete pricks about it. People I can gel with and have a good time with who motivated me to get better in my craft. In real life I keep to myself 99% of the time, so discovering a group online that have each others’ backs as this group has mine is comforting and it’s helped me deal with a lot of personal baggage.
Lastly, I stuck to most of my resolutions I started 2017 with. Made time to go to the gym diligently and keep my weight in check, stayed motivated, and just deal with my own life first before others. I know that sounds selfish but after years of doing things to impress others I felt like it was time to focus on charting my own happiness.
All in all, not a good year but not a bad one. And I’m working to make a better performance this 2018.